August 1, 2011

Dear Mom and family,

This week was a little better.

Luis still hasn't come to church, we haven't even been able to meet with him at all this week. The thing is, he changed work and now works farther away and doesn't get home until late. Despite that little problem, we started teaching his mom and sisters. Yesterday, after a lot of encouragement, we managed to get the three of them to church. Tomorrow we're going to see how they liked it.

Melisa is progressing a lot. She still has doubts about the Joseph Smith story, but she's not denying it either. She's just waiting for that answer from the Holy Ghost. Our next lesson we're going to focus on the importance of the Book of Mormon.

We found out this week that Madelina is already a member, she's just less active. So, now we're just working on activating both her and the Martinez family.

Yesterday, we contacted a lady by the name of Gladys Gonzales. She lives with her son and his three children: Luis (11), Madeline (10), and Dulce (4). We'd seen Luis and Madeline before because of Herman Alma Martinez (the less active we're working with) Her daughter is their school teacher and they take their classes in her house, so we'd seen them a couple of times already.

That's about all the news I've got. We still don't have a Ward Mission Leader so... that's causing a few problems.

I love you all and look foreword to seeing you all soon.

Love,

Elder Landon James Crapo

(In response to my asking for more details of how he is doing and feeling. I'm crying all over my computer!)

OK, I have a little bit of time left to maybe try and explain in summary how my mission has gone for ME and how I feel about things right now. Very often I feel lost, like I don't know what I'm doing; like I'm not too effective and there are things I could be doing better. I have a desire to work but I find it difficult to fill in the day with effective activities to do. I get frustrated and anxious a lot when I don't know what to do and I end up just walking around looking for something to do. I feel like a slacker sometimes. Knocking doors is my least favorite thing to do and it's the only thing to do when you don't have anything to do. I get frustrated with the people I talk to because I will have nothing to do but contact and when I contact, nobody wants to really listen to me. That's how the majority of my days go and that's why I don't say much, because not too much happens usually. However, I recently had an experience with my new companion that caused me to think about all the progression I have made personally. My companion had a meltdown on Friday and began to explain to me how he couldn't stand the area anymore and how he wanted changes because he was afraid he couldn't continue on anymore. He told me he knew I was a good missionary and that he didn't want to bring me down and for that reason he wanted changes. What caused me to ponder so hard was that what he was trying to describe to me as far as how he was feeling: like a fish out of water, claustrophobic, incompetent, all these feelings he was describing, I have never been able to get rid of myself, in the mission. Only those few moments right after a really good lesson or a baptism or something I've done where I feel like I was some sort of help to someone; only then do I get a moment to breath and relax and say I'm doing what I came here to do. Yesterday, after finding Gladys, was one of those moments. I felt I needed to contact but I really didn't want to. But, we did it and we found someone. When my comp was to the point of giving up, with tears in his eyes and his face in his hands I began to wonder, how have I been able to withstand all this time, the disappointments and anxiety; the boring areas and difficult branches and companions. I wanted to help him but I wasn't sure how I could even do it. It isn't until this very moment as I am writing to you that I think I know the answer. In those moments when I had tears in my eyes and my face in my hands, I've done the only thing I know how and that was to just pray for the Lord to have patience with me and to help me become better, to help me understand, and to help me have a little success. I've found in the moments I'm just about ready to give up, that's when He blesses me with a little booster, whether it be a good lesson, or finding someone positive, or an opportunity to give someone a blessing. Ever since that day that my comp has told me he can't keep going in this area, we have given one or more anointing and blessings a day.

I have learned self dominance in a lot of ways and I know that I have grown so much more in these past 18 months almost, than I would ever have in 20 years. I wouldn't trade a mission for anything.